Past the post
I remember my first panic attack, at this time it had no name. It was an un-welcomed guest who had no boundaries. My chest was a trampoline, confusion and emotion were celebrating my strangling hope. I was alone, embarrassed I could hear the cracking of my pedestal. I was a child all over again, separated from my parents in some store but this time I was beyond the coddling age. My hands grasping at my chest to help it find the air. Minutes felt like decades in my comfortable Chicago bedroom with roommates who felt like home. There I was silently battling for air, for reason, for God.
How many storms did that home hold?
"Isn’t intriguing how many contradictory emotions can sit inside of you simultaneously"
Isn’t ironic how many contradictory emotions can sit inside of you simultaneously. How you can be in the prime of your passions, relationships, career and still there is no success heavy enough to smother the pit in your stomach. It’s right here past our social media post where humanity happens. The brokenness is equally important as our capacity for joy and love. The pain is just as common as a contagious smile. We persuade people to believe that their emotional roller coasters are not normal in our attempt to be "normal" we traumatize our own minds because God forbid we be deemed "TOO EMOTIONAL" "TOO MUCH" "DRAMATIC" sound familiar? SO our panic attacks go unnamed and un handled.
For some reason, we hide the things that make us most relatable the parts of us that can bring such comfort we hide, the very thing that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US EXPERIENCED we have foolishly convinced out selves that others don’t go through it or have not experienced it. There is no safeguard from our brokenness. Buried pains blossom into the demons we appease. I am not fooled by the cries of not caring or not being affected by how one is treated by others. Hurt is inevitable it is also necessary. I have no closure for you no bandaid or medication to numb the burn. I can tell you it does not have to be the room mate of you joy, more of a visitor to remind you to be gracious to others, a nudge for you to appreciate the joy that is gifted to you. When the darkness comes . . .