Tell me your flaws my love, list them all • in your silence dressed in shame • believe me when I tell you even now you are valuable beyond compare.
Your worth is nonnegotiable.
This simple truth did not take root in my actions for years. Every time I settled I was treating my value like a hand me down whose worth could be negotiated to effort suitable to the buyer (for lack of a better term)
Afraid that I would miss out on an opportunity or connection for fear that I was asking for too much. I understood the concept that< I was valuable even if no one was willing to "pay that price"> but the concept wasn't taking root in my actions. I was still allowing myself to be deceived by past experiences that I was enough.
So how did I overcome?
In the words of Ms. Hill "respect is just the minimum" that includes what you give to yourself. I had to come to the realization that the only way that I would be ready for anything in my life, be it an opportunity, or a relationship I had to first understand and uphold the value that was already bestowed upon me as an image bearer of God. No matter the mistakes, the flaws, the sins or the awful decisions that I have ever made, I have a value that cannot be tampered with even by my own hands.
The thought that I am too much or not enough is FOOLERY it is BAFOONERY
(that's a new word, think I'll use it more often.) I was attempting to prove that I was worth the risk or investment, which in all honesty I am but I will not attempt to prove it.
A rare gem doesn't sit among the other gems attempting to outshine those around it to be chosen. It sits patiently being it's beautiful and valuable self. It is passed up. It is thought not to be worth the price placed on it. It doesn't complain nor decrease its shine. It is unbothered knowing it's worth. Someone comes along and takes the time to see it, to appreciate it, to agree that it is valuable and puts forth the effort to purchase the gem. Now the gem is inanimate, it has no emotions it is not capable of feeling. Still, the image fits. The arrival to a place where one is unbothered is a continuous journey. It is human nature to want the approval of those around us. To be seen and acknowledge,
The approval of God must overcome this human desire and when His approval is enough just like the gem I can sit in all of my value and brillance unbothered when someone doesn't agree with the invaluable price that has been set for me.
I won't prove it. I won't beg, I won't manipulate. I may have those emotions of frustration or sadness because I have been overlooked but I won't dwell, I will fix my gaze on the only whose approval is needed.
My worth is nonnegotiable. The opportunity, the person will simply move along to something or someone more in their range.
I am at ease in the hands of the One who has made me invaluable.
P.S I am part of the "too much" crowd. You know the one where people smile and go "girl you are too much" yea that one. The one where sometimes it is said in seriousness. And I love it ! and it is okay that some may seriously believe this about you and but don't fall into the trap like I did. Where you try to become less so that they may be okay with it. Embrace the "too much" that is you and the friends will come along who are qualified to love ALL that you are.