“Table for one please”
With uncertainty tinted lips she felt the urge to clarify. “Are you sure?”
Unless there is someone joining me who I am unaware of then yes table for one.
Life happens whether I am surrounded by the homies or confined by my own thoughts. The options are simple but the consequences are vast. I can join the flow and vanish into my fears and hide with the majority. I can walk out on what feels like a plank . . . alone, with no one to answer to but my reflection and my Lord.
Now I have always been a loner by default. It wasn’t an intentional thing either, it just happened. I didn’t fit in and changing and going with the crowd took entirely too much effort and it went against every bone in body, so I ended up alone. Still it took me years to get to a place where I was able to confidently and comfortably do things by myself.
I hated doing things by myself and most times I still do, but I decided that robbing myself of opportunities because of going by myself was a disservice to me. I had to consistently ask myself how much is it worth to me? And what’s the worst that could possibly happen? Embarrassment? Rejection? Failure? Then what? You bandage up those wounds, add a story to your bag of experiences and you move on. Sometimes I think people are so consumed with company that we don’t know how to enjoy our own company.
So here I am sitting at a table for one and the only one sitting across from me is an uninvited guest, pride. Pride has a way of convincing you that mediocrity is acceptable because you’ve avoided the possibility of looking foolish. So we all ended up robbing our selves or experiences to avoid looking silly and what have we accomplished? We all look sill anyway and don't want anybody else to know that we are all in the same boat.(insert side eye here ) How many times have I been the third wheel to someone and their fears? I can name a few. As the years are added to my life the list of me settling into fear grows shorter. I am that “let’s do all the right things at all the wrong times” type of girl and figuring out my own lane is a land of adventure and I am more than down for the ride.
So, request that table for one and the right people will request a seat at your table. Sitting alone is not a permanent decision but it just might put you in the right spot for your team to see you and make the step to join you. Slowly but surely my table for 1 is expanding to a table of trusted “family”. When you step out to that place of purpose everybody wont go with you and that’s okay. The ones you need will join you.
Table for one please.