Single. 27. Black

 

Let’s be clear this is not a man shaming post. This is not a pity party. I love life and all that I am doing with the one I have been given. Send your pity to some lonely single chick licking her wounds because you won’t find one here.

Questions? I’ve received plenty of them. Unsolicited advice? Psh honey I can a write multi-series book with them. Most of the time while they are talking all I hear is - "Jasmine you need to change, you are too much, you need to settle."  Jokes that actually hurt? Yea, I got a couple of those too. Negative remarks? I heard of them. Not to my face (they smart) So allow me the time and space to address them.

Do I want marriage? Absolutely but settling ain’t in my blood. Do I want children? More and more every single day! And I work with kids so some days it feels like torture. The desire is there and the desire is definitely strong but I will not let it drive my decision making.  The most common question is why. Why are you single? Do men approach me? Yep. Are there no more good guys out there? There a plenty of them out there and I know a few but just because he’s a good guy doesn’t make him good for me. I face the same thoughts and insecurities of every other woman out there. I am not naïve, I am not numb, I feel it but I won’t bow to it. I have been a bridesmaid several times, watching friends go through break ups and turn around and get married but comparison is a trap that you are setting up for yourself. Let some stuff go and let your self breathe. Her story was not written for you.

comparison is a trap that you are setting up for yourself

I have no remedy for you, no lies on how to get a man or keep one. I think men are human beings with choices and he isn’t something that you manipulate to get or catch. So I won’t do it.

to every man who tells women why they are single SHUT UP you don’t know her. You don’t know her. You don’t know her. YOU DO NOT KNOW. and ain’t nobody ask you.

Let’s be honest. I can be in a relationship tomorrow; I could have been married by now. So why? Why haven’t I just had a baby? I mean I could have that by now to.

Are my standards to high? Nah  Most people who say that can't tell me what they are because they don't know them. The heart of the matter is that I know my purpose I know my life style is one not every body will accept and I will not modify for anyone who can’t oblige. My faith in God and His word is genuine and my anchor. Do I mess up. . . HECKY YEAH ! all the time. But I trust my God.

Ladies may i say, you are a treasure. In the words of Lauryn Hill "Respect is just the minimum" including your treatment of your self. Why settle? Why compromise? 

Lonely is a state of mind, not a relationship status.

Do people believe that it is my fault that I am single? Yea but that’s their issue not mine. I have run into many unhappy married couples and I will not be one of them.  Am I intimidating? Nah. Are people intimidated? some of them are. Is it up to me to change to appease somebody’s insecurity? Nope! If my accomplishments and personality are the reason for my singleness, then I’d better get ready for the long haul because I plan to accomplish a whole lot more with allot more boldness. I have witnessed to many people in relationships where they are miserable and for what? Companionship? Sex? and I ain't even doing that till marriage HA. No relationship is worth my joy or compromising my integrity. Am I single because I am a strong black woman? Nope. I am a strong black woman who gladly welcomes chivalry. I have read the articles ,watched the videos, felt the sting of negative comments of black women, had men approach me simply because I am lighter skinned. But I won't give them the satisfaction of playing a part in my singleness.  And if we are being honest I am actually far more sensitive than people know but that’s for another blog.

Until there is a clear verbal communication, every man outside of family ain’t nothing but a homie.

I don’t need to give multiple men a chance. I really don’t. I’ve considered it and gave it a crappy shot. I won’t waste my time or theirs’s.  I will live my life full throttle. I wont wait or send clues, I wont place my happiness in anyone’s hands other than mine. I won’t place a man on the throne of my heart. Until intentions are made verbally clear, every man outside of family ain’t nothing but a homie. I wont offer any more hours of sleep to them. So before you offer to set me up offer me a show to perform my poetry or enhance my business. I have placed my love life in the hands of God so I am exactly where I need to be. People thought I’d be married by now and hey I did too !! Welcome to the club.

I have reached a place where I am thankful for every failed relationship. I am not missing out on a thing. If this is coming off harsh that is not my intention, but I am tired. Tired of being blamed, pitied and judged for my choices in regards to my love life. Being told that I am taking too long or that I chase men away. But I lay down every single night with myself. Wake up every single morning and look my self back in the mirror and no body else. When I kneel in prayer it’s me and God and nobody else. He knows exactly what I need when I need it. I will not enter a relationship as means to cure a feeling of loneliness I am worth so much more than that. And yes people mean well but even good intentions can cause wounds. But we don't take it personal, we bandage our wounds and heal on the journey.

We bandage our wounds and heal on the journey

I have come across so many people who believe that singleness is boring . . . to them I say there is a whole world at your fingertips and you are a universes explore yourself!

I am single, I am 3 years shy of 30, I am black I want to settle down with a God-fearing man. I am full of joy and light. Those times when sadness takes up residence a man will never be the cure. I will not deny my desires. There  are days and nights when I long for it. I will feel them I will take them to God and I will trust Him with them. Learn to enjoy your life like genuinely ENJOY it, as is with where you are. 

and if nobody has told you lately 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE ENOUGH

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU 

ANY MAN WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU 

KEEP YOUR CROWN TOWARDS THE SON

YOU ARE A TREASURE

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