You don’t smile. Your face looks mean. You are confident. You are really pretty. You seem stand offish. You’re passionate like reallllly passionate. You’re smart. You made me nervous. . . just a few of the things that follow up the you are intimidating conversation I find myself in many time. Or the classic “he likes you but he is intimidated by you”. . .

For a period of time I wondered how I could change it. After the initial shock (like I’m 5’1 and I’m a big kid what is intimidating you???? )Once I accepted it, because so many people said it, I guess there is some truth to it. . .  I wondered what could I do to change the fact the they were intimidated by me. But I realize I have little control over how people perceive me. Whether I was all smiles our first interaction or stone face and stand-offish the reaction is the same. shoulder shrug ah well.

"The intimidating woman. .beneath the many reasons why she intimidates you . . . . is just a woman."

The intimidating woman is . . . a woman. Social graces leave a bitter taste on my lips. Small talk feels like a torture weapon. Some women carry an “always welcome” sign across their chest. They walk like a light house and people can flock to them and feel as if they have a seat at the table. I admire those women; I respect those women but I do not desire to be one of those women. And even those women are seen as intimidating. I have not bought into the one size fits all womanhood mentality.

A quality that holds great value in my book is genuineness. . . It is what I strive for. I’ve tried to be the chameleon people pleaser, but honey it is draining! And yes there are a million things on my list for self improvement and things to work on. But who I am?  That is not up for negotiation. The unsolicited advice on how I can be “less intimidating” will not be accepted. I have been told you can smile more or  maybe I shouldn’t be so stand offish . . . okay. . .I was about to make a sarcastic remark butttt I’ll refrain.

And if you are one of those intimidating woman … first off Hey girl hey !! Second it isn’t a negative there, will be friends maybe even a boo thang that wont be fazed by all that you are. They will still see you for who you are. A woman, just like any other woman. Human with hang ups and needs and desires but one who knows her worth and isn’t interested in cloaking her shine to make someone else comfortable.

Intimidation I am beginning to learn is more of an issue for the person who is intimidated than the person who is perceived to be intimidating. So if you are intimidating don't take it personal. If you are intimidated maybe self assess before we think that the other person can change. We are simply living life and not being led by our insecurity. We aren't going to change that.

So if you're intimidated by me because my relaxed face looks mean or my passion or because I'm pretty and smart ...yeea I'm not changing that. I wont spend time in the mirror working on "relaxed face". We are teach people that thing that what frightens them or unnerves  them should change. I don't fully agree. I say face the fear head on.

It isn’t about out shining another person but it is not having shame or trying to hide your shine.

Some people are willing to let intimidation stop them from pursuing a relationship or friendship. It’s just not that good of an excuse for me. What is the worse that can happen? They make it seem like they thought I was going to be extremely rude or mean to them.

So you’re intimidated by her? Talk to her. Whether she is a light house of a woman or a house that doesn’t hide the shadows. Beneath all those reasons as to why she intimidates you I can guarantee you’ll find just a woman with some grit and some grind to her. Wears confidence like a crown but underneath it all she’s still just a woman. 

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