I am convinced that parenting is one of the most frightening things on this earth!!
I just think of one wrong thing and I can end up screwing up my child forever. There is no amount of living that will prepare me for mother hood. As a person grows and matures they change and without fully knowing the inner workings and personality development of that child you are bound to drop the ball and make mistake at some point down the line. I have always been a private person and letting people in never came easy even as a child including family. As I consider parenting here a few phrases I hope not to pass on to my children.
1. Everything will be okay
There are things that will happen in this life that we carry with us forever. Some situations you cannot control. The outcomes are unknown we all have childhood scars that still have a ring of hurt to them when they cross our minds.
2. It’s the thought that counts
I mean it’s cute at those tender ages where the thought really is all that counts. As a child grows and matures so should the lessons we teach, we can shield them from some things but truth is nothing to be shielded from. (of course everything is case by case)
3. Say your sorry
I believe we have a tendency of teaching children emotional terms instead of emotional processing. How many times have spewed the words “I’m sorry” and we don’t even know why we should be sorry? Or “you know better!” but we don’t even understand what is we should know or why we should know better. Instead we learn to expect an apology whether it is genuine or not. Saying sorry does not make everything okay. That person still hurts and we still feel guilty.
4. Ignore the bullies and they will go away
HA !! need I say more? I was bullied in the 6th grade. I remember it like it was yesterday. I ignored for weeks but there was no change. The day that it will changed was the day that I confronted them. I am not saying to teach them to face everyone who gives them an issue but I am saying that ignoring bullies is not a cure, some bullies sure but not all of them.
5. That’s not worth crying over
To them it is. Let them feel I hope I will be patient enough (I am not right now lol !! but hey they say all things with time) to teach them how to process emotion. Why do I feel this way? What do I do now that I do feel this way? What is the scale fro what to cry over and what not to cry over anyway? I need one as an adult.
6. You tried your best and that’s what counts
We encourage goal setting but even when the goals is not met all of a sudden the effort given is more important than the goal being met? Yes you tried your best and that does count but that doesn’t make it a done deal.
7. Rushing in to soon to “help”.
There is a lesson in that frustration and those mistakes. We can’t put the blame on anybody else in this life. I pray that I do not raise people with an entitlement complex and victim mentality.
8. You can be anything that you want to be.
When I first heard that I wanted to be a cheetah. Yeah I was a weird kid. I believe there are plans and purposes set up for us in this life. I may have taken this literally but I don’t believe that you can be “anything” you want to be. There are doors that God has shut and doors He open’s follow His path.
9. Be who you are, don’t ever change
This is a bunch of bull !! Baby change, grow and stretch. Challenge everything, learn as much and as often you can. Ask questions. There is not “this is just the way I am” you are as intelligent as you choose to be. Though you cannot be “anything” you want to be you can be whoever you want to be. By whoever I mean character, humility the substance you contain is up to you.
These kid prodigies we see, I am convinced can be a norm if we raise the children better.
I will tell them that all the tools and resources that are needed to accomplish what they desire are available to them. They will not be handed to them. It will take drive, innovation and grit. I am sure things will change if I ever become a mother but I hold parenting with such high regard that every action and word carries much more weight in this relationship. I am not completely insensitive and I am aware of the need to maintain a child's innocences and purity especially in this world but I would not want to raise them ill equipped for the realities of life. Kids are intelligent and we can sometimes down play that by saying "they're just kids". Yeah and they will keep a childish mentality we don't not teach them and stop sugar coating everything. At some point they have to take responsibility for their actions. These kid prodigies we see, I am convinced can be a norm if we raise the children better. It takes a village.
I would not want to raise them ill equipped for the realities of life.
What are somethings you were told as a child that you view differently now that you are older?