As young women we are taught to be caretakers of children, welcoming, and open hearted. But for what reason are we taught to do these things?
Is it because it is a builder of community? Are these things mainly for women? Or do these skill sets edify the body? Or are these things the makings of a great wife?
In my short life it would seem to be the latter. Is that inherently bad? No it isn't? But as I interact with my sisters and wrestle with my own thoughts I see the danger in it.
If we begin to buy into that men marry us because of what we can offer as far as cooking, cleaning ect what does that teach the woman who hasn't been taught? And the woman who tries but struggles? Are our love lives in the hands of a sovereign God or in our abilities? Is "wife type" a goal of ours?
I believe in preparing myself to be a woman of integrity who honors the Lord. Learning to cook and steward a home well because in scripture I find that I should be hospitable to my neighbor. I should learn how to love and respect, I ought to learn how to be in relationship, how to listen, comfort, encourage the body. These aren't skills that I learn because I desire a mate, nor to be more desirable.
I refuse to allow my thoughts to tell me that I am still single because I haven't mastered a chicken dinner or I'm still a bit loud and rough around edges. Maybe I am single because the Lord sees fit to keep me so.
Singleness is not a waiting room. Not a timeout due to our lack of ability. I know with social media we are bombarded with everybody's love story lately and blogs and videos and all married people are professionals on love lives haha okay I'm joking, not really though. The moral of the story is seek Christ and fight to belive that He knows best.
Should the Lord see fit to place me in a marriage then that man will reap the benefits of my desire to please Jesus Christ. Yes you do things to please your spouse and consider him in your decisions. But ladies some of us do that and no brother has even made his intent clear.
For example; i love tattoos, I will most likely get some more. It has been brought to my attention that some men don't find that attractive . . . Will that dictate my next tattoo? Nah not at all. But if I am married and my husband has an issue than that will dictate my next move. In all seriousness I will not live my life in the shadows of an ideal mate. Or a man who has not clearly and verbally made his intentions clear. I will no longer maneuver my heart and emotions through the murky waters of unclear intentions.
I've often sat in studies and lessons on womanhood and singleness and so much of the teaching is tied to our standing with men and I eventually find myself in a marriage prep course. Am I saying that we should ignore teachings on marriage and men ? Absolutely not. But I am saying there is a difference between a marriage prep course and a singleness and womanhood course. There are things that single women need to know in regards to spouses and marriage but our identity is not found in men nor our status. We are complete in Him, Christ Jesus.
If we are single we are not aimlessly floating around in this Christian walk as lost puppies for people to pity. The only man I am told in scripture to seek and wait for is Christ. When conversations of marriage do arrive I have taught my self to say "if" I marry and people make it a habit to correct me as if I am in error. I will wait for you to locate a scripture that tells me he is coming. . . . . Need more time? My singleness is not a project nor something to be fixed.
So dear Mr. maybe/maybe not husband. I am not waiting for you, not writing to you (well except now obviously). I'm sure my friends and family are waiting for you though ;)
And if he doesn't come, so what! Though your intentions are kind heartened I am not licking my wounds of singleness. Let us encourage one other ( in what ever status we are in) to seek Christ as our all and let us be more mindful of our words to one another. Ladies let us be women of dignity, integrity, valor, virtue and wisdom with a gentle spirit. Not because these are admirable qualities for a mate but because they honor God and in honoring God we learn to love our brothers correctly.
I am not preparing myself for marriage because as far I am concerned (I can only speak for myself) it would not be wise. Preparation would lead me to expectation and waiting for something that may never come. I may find myself disappointed with God for not giving me some thing He never said He would. I will strive to pursue Him that I may know Him. But in my desire to grow in maturity in Christ I have not neglected preparation for marriage. Get it? My focus and motive is not marriage. I can strive to love my neighbor and become more and more like Christ resting in the fact that the life that Christ called me to live He is equipping and preparing me for.
- Side note when we treat the story of Ruth like a love story to finding our Boaz we need to get hit with a commentary .....a think one.
Think about the women you admire. There are women who I admire and I have said "man she'd be a great wife". As I look at their lives they haven't planned for marriage they simply seek to please God and edify the body which naturally creates a desirable character for a wife.
- Side note number 2: If you chase God, instead of receiving a man you won't have to chase, God just might give you Himself . . . And that is far better...if Jesus is to be our utmost desire not a means to an end.
Yes we joke about these things but as the saying goes, there is a little seriousness in every joke. There are times when I have allowed myself to believe that my life was missing something due to the joking and the comments. If we are complete in Christ married or single we are still and always complete in Christ.
Ladies I encourage you to fight for purity of heart and mind. To seek the Lord. To live life and if we wait let it be on the Lord, and for the Lord to reveal Himself and His desire for us. Stop setting an alarm clock for when you think you should be married. Sleep in ;)